The topic of all good fundraising: the donor

A piece of direct mail from an organization called KickStart arrived in the Donor Power Fortress of Charity. I'm showing it to you because it's a good example of what a lot of nonprofits do when they try to talk to donors: They talk about themselves.

The package includes these things:

• Small closed-face carrier envelope with 63¢ first-class stamp (Necessary because the package weighs just over an ounce. Ouch.)
  
• One-page letter.
  
• Four-color insert featuring photos of happy people with a piece of equipment that looks like pump of some kind.
  
• Nice four-color blank greeting card (also featuring the pump).
  
• Small, not personalized reply device.
  
• Courtesy reply envelope.
  

Here's the letter. (Click on it if you want to see an enlarged and readable image.) As far as I know, I'm not a donor to KickStart.

The letter is all about KickStart and their great accomplishments. Starting with the sentence "It has been another great year for KickStart!" it goes on to sing its own praises in great detail. Only toward the end does it mention me: "We're proud of our achievements and owe you a great deal of thanks for making this possible." But by then, it feels a bit late: It's like the guy who says, "But enough about me; what do you think about me?"

The ratio of first person pronouns (I/we) to second person pronouns (you) in this letter is 12:4. That kind of tells the story. This isn't a letter about the donor.

Other than this poorly conceived fundraising letter, I have nothing against KickStart. I'm sure they're a competent, reputable organization that's making the world a better place. That's why I hope they will learn to talk to donors and motivate more of them to join the cause.

The temptation to brag is strong. But it doesn't work. In personal conversation or in fundraising. If you want to bring people on board, talk to them about themselves, and show them how you can further their dreams and aspirations.

Technorati Tag: KickStart

Comments

[Cat Laine]

Too bad about the letter, but Kickstart is a really great organization. I met Martin Fisher a few months ago and their program is solid. How would you rewrite their existing letter?

[UnknownPriestKiller]

It seems to me that a lot of people with visible work put a lot of thought into it before hand.
Recently I discovered a rant on quite a respected figure in the tattoo community's Myspace. I say rant, it was more like pure venomous hatred.
It would seem that some find young people with visible ink, impatient and disrespectful, and they must all just think it's cool to have visible work.
I'm 23, My first tattoo was on my shoulder, then my wrists, then I got a full sleeve. Then I moved to my hands, then neck and I also have a large part of my leg tattooed.
It took me about two years to get the opportunity to get my hand tattooed by my idol, and then my neck by an artist I greatly admire, a lot of time, effort and thought was put into both of these.
Even though I'm somewhat older and do have a fair bit of coverage, I might still be classed as young and "under-tattooed" to have such visible work, and I can't help but think that's kinda crazy!
Sure I've seen some 18 year olds with kanji on their necks or poorly executed skulls on their hands, and you can almost tell they rushed into it, wanting everyone to see their new work as clearly as possible, and fine that to me is impatient and maybe even attention seeking.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that not everyone who has visible work is disrespectful to the art, some people invest a great deal of time, money and effort into getting that particular location inked with the highest standard work possible.
It's kinda funny to find prejudice within a community that tries so hard to divert it away from itself.

Thoughts?

[CaseyFronczek]

Hello, I am Casey Fronczek and would like to discuss the state that the US is in with everybody else, what are your thoughts on the current state of the economy?

[CaseyFronczek]

Hello, I am Casey Fronczek and would like to discuss the state that the US is in with everybody else, what are your thoughts on the current state of the economy?